Designing My Life
I want to live a life without regret. I don't want to find myself thinking "if only I could.." or "maybe one day I can.."
I never want to feel trapped. I never want to spend my time doing something because I "have" to.
I want the freedom to work from anywhere, and to ski on a random Thursday if the snow is good.
I want control over how much time I spend working, and what I spend that time doing.
Tall order.
I could go back in time, optimise for money, and FatFIRE. But then what would I do?
I'd probably go and try save the world, right? That's what all the billionaires do when they're bored of empire building.
But since saving the world = creating value = capturing value, do I actually need to FIRE before I do that? ..no?
Leaving Google was, honestly, scary. I had nothing to go to next, and genuinely believed I might never get as good a job again. The thought exercise that pushed me to quit was: if I didn't have this job, but I had an offer, would I take it? and the answer was a resounding no.
Having detoxed and got used to funemployment, I decided to never again let myself become dependent on a job. For security, for identity, for a sense of purpose. I decided I would never again delegate those to some company.
I set my default to unemployed. I decided any future job should be consodered not the norm, and, and temporary. This is not about commitment - whilst in the job I will do the absolute best I can. But if one day I decide this job is not for me, I want to be able to move on there and then. I don't want to re-evalute my sense of identity or purpose, or worry that I won't know what to do with myself.
By having my default be "no job", quitting isn't losing something and having a void, it's throwing away something extra you had, which you don't want any more.
I'm lucky enough to have skills and experience that are sought after, and that gives me confidence in my earning power. That confidence is what I rely on now. For a sense of purpose and identity, I look at what I would do in retirement. And do it now.
I have met quite a few people who were lucky enough to have a good exit and not need to work. None of them talked about their hobbies or upcoming vacations. Many of them talked about the talk they were giving, or some side project they were thinking about. I got the distinct impression however that they were keeping busy, and not really in it. I'd guess that if they were actually relying on those projects for income, they'd do a much better job, and find it a ton more fulfilling.
Cool story. I think the point is that retirement is overrated? And if you're going to do something productive in retirement anyway, may as well do it now? There might be literally nothing stopping you.
Or you know, reality and needing food and shelter might stop you. But! You can still keep the "I am in control!" mindset. Do you want to put food on the table? Yes? Ok, you need money! You can choose, every day, to go to work, earn money, and put food on the table. You could also choose to quit, and not earn money, and have a hard time. But it is a choice. You're not trapped.
My quality of life is objectively excellent, I am happy, and I like my life. So why do I keep wondering I should have done x, y or z?
The theme is that I could have had more. More money, more influence, more..?
I just need to remind myself that I don't have more of those things because I didn't try to get them - because I wasn't interested in them.
Am I interested in them now? Or is this just FOMO for stuff I don't even care about?
A recurring theme when I think about money-not-earned is the freedom it would have bought me. But, I went skiing on Thursday, and am currently working on what I am most interested in, so I guess I have that already?
It's just a "money is weird" thing? Or that I am at a junction again, and right now I'm not creating much of anything for anyone?
If the next venture is successful, will I still feel the need to LinkedIn stalk my peers and ex-colleagues to see how they're doing - check in on the lives not lived? I don't think so.
I'm sacrificing safety and certainty (and money!) for freedom and control. And I'm using that freedom and control to spend my time doing things that have purpose. And that also make money, hopefully.
As part of the "design your life" course, we were asked to visualise our current life, and our ideal life. My current life was at the top of a literal huge tower (the office was on 73F of Taipei 101), isolated and cut off from the world, working on thankless tasks in a bubble of irrelevance.
My ideal life was me, down on the streets of the city, exploring with a group of likeminded people - interacting with the world, and working on cool things that matter. I'm going to live that life. I'm not going back up the tower.